Memoirs of a Mom

I’m not sure really, why it took me this long to write this. I guess… actually, I know, that I was scared. So now that it’s 12:13am , on November 19th and I’m 30 years old as of 13 minutes ago, I figured it was appropriate. I’m Kyra. I’m 30 years old, I birthed two beautiful girls who will grow to be beautiful wonderfully made black women, and I’m married to the most amazing mutha******  to ever walk this earth. 

I’m a Detroit baby. Born and Bred on the westside of my city. The only album Felicia and Ken ever made. A one of one. 

I’’ma keep it a bean and say, I don’t know why I chose this moment, buzzed with my husband sleep on the couch next to me to share my thoughts. But Im hoping that this is the start to me living in the moment.

For the past 2 years or so, I’ve dreaded my birthday. Which is odd because it’s always been a national holiday to me. But the closer I got to 30 I realized that career wise I wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted or thought I would be. Even though I spent my 20s working my way through an associates degree, a bachelor degree, having kids, and getting married. I still felt like a failure. Where’s my thriving career??? Where’s my work on billboards, commercials, advertisements, magazines, tv??? 

Recently this year I gained a career coach and was hyper focused on finding a job in my career field before I turned 30. 

LAUGHING MY MUTHAFUCKIN ASS OFF. 

Because that shit did not happen. 

In fact, I was up for a really good job opportunity and a week before this moment I was informed that I didn’t get the job…….. again. (Even though it was an office job and didn’t exactly align with my creative spirit, I still thought I wanted it so bad) 

Did it discourage me? YES. 

Did I doubt myself. YES. 

Will I give up? No. But I wanted to. And I want to every time Ive gotten rejected. Because why am I 30 years old and still not in my career field in the way I want to be? 

I’m not sure. But what I do know is that God has blessed me with gifts, that I plan to use whether somebody gives me the platform or not. I’ve decided that if I’m not gaining access to the spaces I want to be in then I’ll create them myself. I’ve decided it’s time to pick my pen back up. I’ve decided that it’s time to pick my camera back up. Ive decided that it’s time to pick me back up. It’s time to tap back into the makings of me. The root of me. My soul.

I’m not sure what God has in store for me, but he knows the desires of my heart, so in this new decade I will open up my heart and mind to him even more, and let him lead me where I should go. 

Come with me? 

Kyra O.